Vindictive Narcissists: How to Spot Them, Survive Them, and Win

Welcome to the Warzone

Figuring out how to deal with a vindictive narcissist isn’t something you Google unless you’re already in the blast zone. You don’t just leave one. You escape. And even then, “escape” is being generous. By the time you realise you’re the target, they’ve already launched the smear campaign, impersonated your dog, and submitted abuse reports to your toaster. You’re in a war you didn’t sign up for, wearing socks and holding a spoon.

This isn’t just heartbreak, it’s psychological warfare wrapped in Wi-Fi. It’s what happens when a malignant narcissist doesn’t get their way. And you, poor thing, thought they were just “intense.”

Spoiler: they’re not intense. They’re a strategic emotional arsonist with broadband and too much time.

What the Hell Is a Vindictive Narcissist?

Let’s make it simple. Most narcissists are exhausting. Vindictive narcissists are dangerous. They don’t just want attention or applause. They want revenge, because the moment you stop clapping, they start plotting.

These are the ones who smile as they sabotage. The types to hold grudges like Olympic athletes. They plan digital takedowns while posting mindfulness quotes. They use charm as a weapon and victimhood as a PR campaign. If you’re googling “how to deal with a vindictive person,” you’re already too close to the blast zone.

They see boundaries as betrayal. Silence as rejection. And any hint that they’re not the centre of your emotional solar system? Cue narcissistic rage dressed up in plausible deniability.

The Toolbox of Terror

If you’re trying to figure out how to deal with a vindictive narcissist, the first step is knowing what you’re up against. They don’t need fists. They’ve got broadband and emotional deadness. Here’s how they wage war:

Fake Profiles and Impersonation
You’ll be chatting to “Jake from Grindr” and wondering why he knows about that one time you cried in a Lidl car park. Surprise. It’s your ex, pretending to be a stranger, farming intel like a deranged LinkedIn recruiter.

Digital Stalking
VPNs, spoofed numbers, hacked emails, and a level of dedication that would be admirable if it wasn’t terrifying. This isn’t curiosity. This is obsession with a keyboard.

Smear Campaigns
Passive-aggressive messages. Carefully crafted half-truths. The slow burn of your reputation being sliced into digestible gossip. Nobody does character assassination like a narcissist with a grudge and a Canva account.

Revenge Porn and Legal Manipulation
When charm fails, they escalate. Suddenly you’re the threat. The abuser. The unhinged one. Bonus points if they quote laws they don’t understand or threaten to sue you with documents written in Comic Sans. If you’ve experienced revenge porn or digital blackmail, I’ve written about these issues a lot.

They don’t punch walls. They quietly set your world on fire and then ask why you’re so sensitive.

My Story Wasn’t Unique (And That’s the Horror)

He filmed me during a night terror. Let me say that again louder, for the people at the back scrolling on their third cold brew: he literally picked up a phone and pressed record while I was mid-trauma, mid-scream, mid-nightmare. Then months later, he sent it to me with an audio track of him laughing. What. The. Actual… like it was a scene from a deleted TikTok reel called “How to Document Someone’s Breakdown for Fun.”

He impersonated me online so well I started wondering if I was the catfish. He submitted thousands of abuse reports to my website per day. Thousands. Do you know how many forms that is? It’s not just sabotage, it’s a full-time job with overtime and a pension plan. He should have unionised with other emotionally constipated villains.

He stole passwords, documents, a ring worth thousands, and tried to steal my identity like he was auditioning for a Lifetime movie called Single White Narcissist.

And you know what I did? I questioned myself. I thought it was bad luck. Mercury retrograde. Karma. Maybe I’d murdered a nun in a past life. That’s what it feels like when you’re learning how to deal with a vindictive narcissist, like maybe you’re the problem, until you realise you’re just their latest project.

I wasn’t sensitive. I was being hunted. Digitally, emotionally, reputationally. While he went around planting stories and whispering lies to anyone that would listen like a Dollar Store Voldemort with a fake smile and a victim narrative carved in soap.

This wasn’t a bad breakup. This was cyber abuse, served cold and calculated. A campaign and a strategy. A tactical, slow-burn annihilation.

And guess what? It almost worked. Almost.

Malignant vs Vindictive Narcissist: Yes, They’re Both Assholes, But Here’s the Difference

Let’s clear something up, because yes, I use both terms: malignant narcissist and vindictive narcissist. And you’re probably thinking, “Are these just different buzzwords for the same hellspawn?” Not quite.

Malignant narcissists are the full buffet of evil. They’re narcissistic, antisocial, sadistic, and paranoid. Think dictator energy, but in a studio apartment. They don’t just want to win – they want you to suffer while they win.

Vindictive narcissists, on the other hand, are the ones who feel wronged. You bruised their ego? Set a boundary? Made eye contact with a waiter? You’re dead to them. And not just dead, you’re now the antagonist in their imaginary Netflix drama where they’re the misunderstood genius.

So are they the same? Not exactly. But one often bleeds into the other.
And yes, someone can absolutely be both. A vindictive narcissist reacts to personal rejection. A malignant narcissist plots everyone’s destruction.

If you’ve got both in one person? Run. Or blog about them. Loudly.

A malignant narcissist includes the vindictive type – like the deluxe version with bonus content. And if you’re dealing with someone who’s vindictive and tech-savvy, congrats. You’ve unlocked the narcissistic rage DLC pack.

The Narc Zoo: A Field Guide to Toxic Subspecies

When you’re trying to figure out how to deal with a vindictive narcissist, it helps to know which species of emotional leech you’re dealing with. There isn’t just one kind. That would be far too easy.

The Covert Narcissist
The whisperer and the martyr. Also the one who “never asks for anything” while emotionally draining you dry. They’re manipulative in soft pastels and weaponise vulnerability like it’s scented lotion.
Catchphrase: “I guess I just care too much.”

The Grandiose Narcissist
Louder than a toddler with a drum kit. They dominate conversations, correct your grammar, and have at least one framed photo of themselves looking thoughtful.
Catchphrase: “You wouldn’t understand. Most people don’t.”

The Communal Narcissist
Loves charity but hates people. They’re the ones who volunteer publicly, post about it, and expect sainthood in return. They use altruism as currency.
Catchphrase: “I do so much for others.”

The Vindictive Narcissist
The one this entire blog is about. The stalker-in-camouflage. The ex who goes full CIA with zero credentials and a burner phone. They plot, watch but never move on. Ever.
Catchphrase: “You’ll regret this.” Or, more accurately, Good Luck Getting Rid of Me. That’s not just what they threaten. It’s the title of my memoir and the entire reason this blog exists.

The Malignant Narcissist
This one’s just straight-up terrifying. They don’t break up. They wage war. If they can’t have you, they’ll settle for your reputation in ruins and your inbox full of fake abuse reports.
Catchphrase: “I’m the victim here.”

How to Handle a Vindictive Person (Without Losing Your Soul)

If you’ve been frantically searching how to deal with a vindictive narcissist, congrats! You’ve found your fire extinguisher. Now let’s stop your emotional house from burning down.

Digitally
Lock down everything. Use 2FA. Use password managers. Protect your domains. If your cat has an Instagram, lock that too.
Screenshot everything. Even the weird DMs from accounts with one follower and a blurry photo of a tree.
Back up your emails. Save copies of abuse reports. Build a digital fortress.

Emotionally
Grey rock like your life depends on it. Be boring. Learn to be dull. Be emotionally invisible.
Don’t engage or explain or chase closure. Closure is not coming. They don’t offer that. They offer chaos.
See a therapist. Not the “just breathe and journal” kind. One who speaks fluent personality disorder.

Socially
Warn your people. The good ones will believe you but the idiots won’t. Let them sort themselves out.
Block. Report. Repeat. On every app, every number, every alias.
Don’t let shame isolate you. They’re counting on your silence.

When the Law Shrugs

Sometimes, you report this and get told to just “block them.” Because if it didn’t leave a bruise, it doesn’t count, right?

Wrong. Cyber abuse is abuse. And just because it’s not physical doesn’t mean it’s not destroying your life.

Document everything. Be your own detective and your own IT department. Be the person who walks into court with a binder so thick it needs its own trolley.

One day, someone will take it seriously. Until then, act like you’re building a case against a ghost with an iPhone.

Here’s how I finally got law enforcement to act and get a warrant for his arrest.

Winning Is Not About Revenge

It’s about survival. And maybe, later, storytelling.

You win when you’re living, laughing, creating, and thriving while they’re still obsessed with your Wi-Fi password. You win by not collapsing, and by turning their tantrums into traffic for your memoir.

They’ll watch… because they always watch. Vindictive narcissists never stop watching. But guess what?

You’ve stopped performing.

You’re Not Alone

If you’ve been through this, or are in the middle of it, I’ve written a memoir that breaks it all down, scene by scene, in glorious, unfiltered detail. It’s available on in my store, chapter by chapter. Check out the Memoir & Real Life category for other raw, rage-filled, laugh-out-loud blogs on narcissism, gay sex, revenge porn, and survival.

You’re not crazy. You’re just in a war with someone who wears charm like a costume. And survival? It’s not just possible. It’s inevitable.

And if you’re still figuring out how to deal with a vindictive narcissist and feel like nobody gets it… this entire blog, memoir, and site were made for that exact reason.