Revengeporn: When Your Trauma Gets Views

Let’s talk about revengeporn. Not in the sterile, legal way your HR manual might describe it. In the real, horrifying, I-just-saw-my-own-naked-body-in-a-group-chat kind of way.

Revenge porn isn’t about sex. It’s about control, humiliation, and power. It’s a weapon. A very specific, very targeted weapon designed to strip you of privacy, dignity, and any last shred of emotional safety you thought you had left.

I didn’t ask for this topic to be relevant to my life. But here we are. Cameras hidden. Photos and videos shared. My body, my trauma, turned into a spectacle. A punchline. A warning shot.

This isn’t about sex. It’s about power and it’s about humiliation. It’s a digital weapon designed to cut deeper than anything physical. And it works. If you’ve been through it, you already know. If you haven’t, consider yourself lucky.

What revengeporn really is

Revengeporn is a form of digital abuse. It is not about desire or lust. It is about domination and destruction. It’s one part humiliation, one part punishment, and the final part of a very public smear campaign designed to isolate and destroy.

In my case? Hidden cameras. Stolen videos. Shared files. Distributed links. It wasn’t some one-off event. It was a coordinated attack. I became a search result.

Why narcissists love this

Let’s be clear. Narcissistic abuse thrives in secrecy and shame. Revengeporn is just another tool in the narcissist’s toolbox. It creates maximum chaos with minimal effort.

When a narcissist feels you’re slipping away or threatening their control, the gloves (and mask) come off. They don’t just try to pull you back. They try to ruin you. The smear campaign becomes the mission. And because accountability is toxic to a narcissist’s ego, they double down. If you fight back, you’re “crazy.” If you stay silent, they win. It’s lose-lose, until you change the game.

Some people can’t take responsibility

Let’s talk about personality disorders. Because not everyone who shares your nudes is a run-of-the-mill jerk. Some are broken in ways that make them incapable of accountability.

• Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): The king of blame games. Their “apologies” are manipulations, and their cruelty is always your fault.
• Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD): Also known as sociopathy. These are people who see your trauma as a plot point in their personal drama. Guilt? Doesn’t exist.
• Untreated Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): Often chaotic, impulsive, and emotionally volatile. It doesn’t excuse it, but it does explain how someone can hurt you deeply and still claim to love you.
• Covert/Malignant narcissism: Think quiet, manipulative, calculated. They don’t scream in your face. They whisper behind your back and leak your private moments. The malignant kind is the one you want to run from. NOW.

These people are not going to wake up one day and say, “Wow, I messed up.” They live in a world where they are the victim. You’re just a character in their story, and you get written out the second you stop complying.

It’s a trauma, not a scandal

Let me be extremely clear. This is not a moment to be embarrassed about. It is trauma. This is PTSD in digital form. The moment your body gets sent to people without your consent, the damage is done. Your nervous system remembers. Your trust fractures. And your sense of safety is permanently altered.

This is not your fault.

It is not your shame to carry.

This is someone else’s sickness, and you just got hit with the symptoms.

The legal fight

Depending on where you live, revengeporn laws may be on your side. Some countries treat it as a serious crime. Others are still catching up. If you’re dealing with an international case like I was, prepare for a long and exhausting journey.

For me, it took police reports, legal letters, tracking IPs, and eventually, the involvement of SVU (Special Victims Unit). I had to chase the justice system harder than my abuser ever chased me. But I got there. And so can you.

Here’s what helped me:

• Document everything. Every message. Every share. Every username. But… Do. Not. Respond.
• Report it to your local authorities, even if they don’t understand what you’re talking about.
• If you’re in the U.S., use resources like the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative or Cybercrimes Unit. FBI, local police. Report it. It’s a crime.
• If you’re outside the U.S., there are global databases of legal aid teams who specialise in this.

But above all? Do not stay silent. Speaking out doesn’t just help you. It helps every other victim who thought they were alone.

Final word

If someone did this to you, they don’t get to win, nor do they get your silence. They don’t get your shame.

They wanted your power. Take it back.

You are not a victim.
You are a survivor.
And if you’re anything like me, you’re going to write a book, name names, and make sure the world knows exactly what revengeporn is. And why it should be treated like the crime that it is.

One rule: Do. Not. Respond.

If you’re under siege, and let’s face it, that’s what this is, the single best thing you can do is go dark. No replies and definitely no angry texts. No explanations. Not even a “how dare you.” Because the moment you respond, they know you’re still playing. Even rage is engagement. Even disgust is fuel.

They want your attention. They crave the control of your emotional reaction. The second you give it to them, the game is back on.

I learned this the hard way. At first, I fought back. I screamed, and I reasoned, I begged and tried to show him the damage he was doing. I wanted him to get it, to stop. But all that did was show him he still had power. That I was still hooked in. No amount of arguing worked. Trying to show him what he did was pointless because he believed he was the victim.

The real shift happened when I finally stopped responding. Entirely. No more reaction. No more replies. Just… nothing. It took weeks, and yeah, it was hard. But slowly, the attacks started to fade. The emails slowed. The chaos backed off and I started to move on and finally grieve.

I wish I could go back to when this started. If I had stopped reacting from the beginning, maybe it wouldn’t have gotten so far. Maybe I would’ve protected myself better. Maybe the trauma would be less.

But here’s what I do know:
The silence worked.

And here’s the thing, he doesn’t even know he’s heading for jail. That part? That’s coming whether he likes it or not.

If you want to read my journey, I’ve started it here in my book called, Good Luck Getting Rid of Me.