An Amazon Drone is Gonna Start Dropping From the Sky!

Or some fucking redneck’s gonna shoot ’em

If I told you that an Amazon drone is about to deliver directly to your apartment in London within an hour of you clicking send, you’d think I was taking the proverbial piss. But it’s not something that far into the future either, it’s going to happen much sooner than you realise.

There are several important things that are going to need to be addressed first. And no…the technology to do it isn’t what’s holding things up.

• You’ll need an Amazon dedicated letterbox attached somewhere where there’s clear access for the drone to lock onto your Amazon Letterbox;
  • Your Amazon Letterbox is going to send a homing beacon to the Amazon Drone to lock onto
  • The Amazon drone will pick up your Amazon Letterbox’s beacon and approach
  • The drone and your letterbox will perform an electronic authentication via handshake
  • Your Amazon Letterbox will open and allow the delivery of your freshly purchased goods
    • You will not be able to order anything that weighs more than a pair of shoes
    • There are going to be teething problems initially – as with any new technology
    • Your Amazon Letterbox could be on the top story of a high-rise right next to your front door or by your back window
    • Breaking into these Amazon Letterboxes could mean very large fines and might become harder than hacking into a bank, if Amazon are smart
• You’ll need an account that either includes the cost of the Amazon Letterbox setup or a contract in which you are tied to Amazon for 3 years and they’ll waive the cost (likely projected scenario)
• The laws are going to change dramatically to allow for drone technology to fly in cities and will be clear as to what they can and cannot do
  • These laws will includes such things as;
    • Any idiot who tries to disrupt a drone’s journey will be filmed by the drone and very harsh (probably ridiculously high to prevent repeat offenders) penalties will be handed out that might include imprisonment, because Amazon are going to take their delivery interruptions seriously – so should any potential drone shooters
    • Intellectual Property – at what point does the product become yours? If the handshake has happened and the drone has delivered the technology, I suspect that’s the moment the Amazon drone has delivered its package
    • Flying laws…will they be trespassing if they fly over your apartment to get to another? I suspect that it will be agreed that the drones will no more be trespassing, than a vehicle is trespassing driving down your street to get to your neighbour and other laws will be tightened and also relaxed in order to allow these drones safe and unobstructed passage
• What Amazon films is not for sale;
  • Every drone will film its journey for a number of reasons, and some of these reasons have nothing to do with spying on your younger sister’s leg-shaving-in-the-bath ritual or you shagging the neighbour’s dog past-time on Tuesdays at 2pm, when the neighbours and your wife are at work. The resultant footage is not used by Amazon and laws will be written to prevent them from using this footage or for anyone human to be viewing this footage. Amazon will argue, quite rightfully, that the footage is for visual landmark recognition and finding the Amazon Letterbox in addition to being able to identify the redneck who shoots it down. That footage will be transmitted live to Amazon and if that drone goes missing, they’ll need to address their customer complaint immediately which will involve seeing the footage and using it to prosecute said redneck

This is all about to become a reality, in 2018. For those who do not live in apartments, you’ll have the option of Amazon landing pads which will enable a similar type of handshake secure technology for the device to be delivered.

We’re reaching that technological level of advancement that will outdo itself every year and pretty soon, we’re going to be seeing humans flying around in these drones who have done a weekend course and ‘Drone Certification’. But for now, let’s embrace our civilization’s next steps or be prepared to bury your head in the sand and tune out. Just because you’re not comfortable with having drones flying above your head at all hours doesn’t mean it shouldn’t happen.

For an interesting perspective on civilizations around the Universe, take a look at Circle in the Sand, Out Now.