The Cyberstalker Who Kept Coming Back

The Cyberstalker Who Kept Coming Back

I never thought I’d have to say the word cyberstalker in a police station. But when the abuse shifted from emotional to digital, from silence to calculated sabotage, that’s exactly what I became: a cyberstalker’s target.

It began like many of these stories do. A relationship that seemed intense, even redemptive at times, slowly started unraveling. The signs were small at first. Possessiveness dressed up as passion. Oversharing that felt like intimacy. Control disguised as care. What looked like healing turned into a setup. By the time I saw it for what it was, he had access to everything. My photos, my emails, my personal data, my routines and my friends. Walking away didn’t end it. That was when it truly began. I wrote more about the emotional fallout from that relationship in this post about narcissistic abuse and survival.

A one-sided war started, and he came armed with technology.

Digital Abuse Crimes Are Still Treated Like Customer Service Complaints

When I reported the abuse, the system didn’t ignore me. It processed my complaint as though I were disputing a charge on a credit card. A case number was assigned. Evidence was requested. Polite emails were exchanged. There were delays. No urgency, no warning, and certainly no intervention.

Behind the scenes, I was explaining everything. Each platform, each fake profile, each method of attack. I was walking investigators through digital terrain they didn’t fully understand because I wasn’t just reporting a crime. I was educating the people tasked with stopping it. For a deeper dive into how digital impersonation works and why platforms keep failing to act, I broke it down in The Age of Digital Masquerade.

He didn’t stop while they reviewed the details. He didn’t pause for due process. While I waited for someone to catch up, he stayed active and unaccountable.

Platforms Are Complicit Through Design, and Police Are Stuck in 1997

Social platforms have enabled digital abuse by design. Identity is easy to fake, reporting is intentionally convoluted and consequences are rare. Abusers thrive in these spaces because the systems allow them to.

Anyone can create a profile in minutes. Shutting it down requires documentation, patience, and luck. Even when reported, platforms often do nothing unless there’s media attention or legal threat.

Tools meant to connect us are being used to destroy us. When these tools are abused, the platforms default to formality, not accountability. That isn’t neutrality. That’s complicity.

Meanwhile, most law enforcement agencies haven’t caught up. While digital crimes escalate, local police departments are still handling cyberstalking like a tech issue. The threshold for action remains tied to physical harm. By the time that harm arrives, the digital destruction has already taken its toll.

What Victims Need to Know (That No One Told Me)

Start tracking everything the moment it feels wrong. Do not wait for confirmation and definitely don’t wait for escalation. Documentation is your lifeline. I know many would prefer to get rid of it as though it taints you. I get it, because that’s what I did initially. Any reminder of him made me sick, so I deleted a lot of it. But when detectives started asking for evidence, I realised I should have kept a lot of the earlier stuff.

Save screenshots, record email metadata and archive messages in multiple formats. Keep logs with timestamps and map out when and how the abuse escalates. These details will form the foundation of your case when your story alone isn’t enough.

Avoid relying on platforms to act. Assume they won’t and avoid assuming law enforcement will understand the tech. Be ready to walk them through it. Start a timeline document and keep adding to it. It helps prevent gaps and keeps your evidence organised.

If you’re experiencing digital abuse, you are already in a high-risk situation. Assume it will evolve and assume they will escalate. Your preparation is not paranoia. It is protection and eventually, even cybercrime evidence. 

Report cyberstalkers if you’re a target.

The Digital Crime Scene Is Still Open

Mine left a trail of cyber abuse. Every false report, every digital impersonation profile, every anonymous submission, every email header is still there. Data has memory, even when humans forget. Idiots who commit cybercrimes seem to think that if they delete something it’s gone.

Abusers count on victims burning out. They rely on exhaustion, not intelligence and their tactic is simple. Wear you down until you give up.

I didn’t give up and kept records. I created timelines and matched fake accounts to IPs. Most of what I did was the work the system should have done. And when justice eventually arrives, it will be because I refused to disappear and documented everything.

This isn’t just about one case. It’s about the cracks in the system that make abuse possible. It’s about digital crime being years ahead of digital accountability. It is about systemic failure in law enforcement.

Nobody Gets Away With Crimes

People committing these crimes often think they’re smarter than everyone else. They believe they’ve erased every trace. That the VPNs, the fake names, the burner accounts, the form submissions, the calls made using spoofed numbers have left no trail. They’re wrong.

Murderers, rapists, thieves, and now cyber criminals all seem to share one thing: an inflated sense of invincibility. Some even think past wrongs justify current crimes. But being wronged does not grant you permission to launch a campaign of psychological warfare. It doesn’t excuse harassment and it doesn’t excuse blackmail. Nor does it excuse stalking.

Let’s be clear. Secretly recording someone in a bedroom without consent is a felony in many jurisdictions. Distributing that footage or using it as blackmail is a second felony. These aren’t grey areas and they are not morally complex choices. They are criminal acts.

In my case, I made a mistake. A personal one. But I didn’t commit a crime. He did. And when I asked him to stop harassing me, he responded with threats and blackmail. His response to being told to stop was to escalate. What he didn’t anticipate was that I would collect every message, every video, every screenshot and hand it all to law enforcement. His justification? I wronged him. My evidence? Two felonies.

Here’s Some Rope, Cybercrimes

That day will come. When the person responsible stands in court, trying to explain away every IP address, every form submission, every exported backup file, every login, every demand, every lie and every revenge porn instance.

IP tracing exists. Forensics tracing an IP address is not difficult, even if a VPN is used.

That’s when the rope appears. Figuratively, of course. It’s handed to them by their own arrogance. Their own belief that they were untouchable. And the evidence you kept? That timeline, that folder, that log, becomes the noose they built for themselves.

So build it. Silently, methodically, and without hesitation. Let them keep digging. Let the data pile up. And when the hammer falls, it won’t miss.

Because nobody gets away with crimes forever. Not even cyberstalkers.

What the Media Is Missing

News coverage gravitates to extremes. The arrest, the injury or sometimes the suicide. But most victims don’t become headlines. Most are left to handle abuse while trying to maintain a job, pay rent, and stay sane.

We need stories about those people. The ones who don’t collapse but carry it all while no one intervenes. Also the ones who spend months collecting proof instead of healing. The ones who are still here.

This post is a challenge. To journalists who need to dig deeper, to officers who need better training or to tech executives who know their platforms are broken but still look away.

If you’ve read this far, you’re not just consuming a story. You’re witnessing a system that is overdue for reckoning.

You’ll find the evolving story in my memoir, Good Luck Getting Rid of Me. This post belongs exactly where it is now… at the top of Memoir & Real Life.

And for the person behind all of this, you should know the evidence still exists, and it always will. Data can be deleted quickly, but recovered just as easily by digital forensics. Anonymous calls can be traced. VPNs log activity. Phone records can be subpoenaed, and so can dating apps, cloud storage, and even those deleted files you thought were gone.