Fuck I Hate Linda

Ellie disliked Linda immensely. Apparently, over Christmas dinner, Ellie made a big deal of her intolerance for a number of staple foods. “This stupid woman never once thought to make sure that her host, ie… me, would know her particular intolerances. Needless to stay, the stupid bitch made awkward comments and ruined my Christmas.”

Paul thought Linda was a great party girl, and had hoped to see her on New Year’s Eve. “I asked Matt and Eric if she was invited to the party, and it turns out she’s coming, which has made me really look forward to seeing her. I met her a few months ago at a mutual friend’s house for dinner and she was so much fun!”

Grant’s body language changed when Linda’s name was mentioned. “You mean that fucked up shrink, who wouldn’t shut up about her garlic and onion intolerances, even though she was the one who picked the Italian restaurant for our work ‘do’? That Linda? I tell you what, next time you’re inviting Linda, don’t invite me or Helen. We can’t stand her.”

Liam and Sarah’s business had skyrocketed once they’d consulted with Linda’s firm. “She was so dead-on the money! People’s habits have changed remarkably and she was right about how the Millenials hate being sold to!”

Adam had a court battle to recover funds from Linda’s company. “I should have seen the warning signs. A newly established consultancy, claiming to have all the answers to consumer spending. She’s a fraud, and we can prove it.”

Pete sighed, looked happy and at peace. “My entire life has changed since Linda and I started going out. She’s nurturing, intuitive, great in bed. She really knows her food, and has traveled extensively. The kids love her. My ex hates her. To me, that’s a good sign!”

Andrew closed the lid on his laptop and sighed. “I don’t know what to make of this Linda character. I’m torn. Is she a real bitch or shrewd, brilliant and misunderstood? I’ve got to present my findings to the lawyer tomorrow and I just don’t know which perspective is right.”

This short piece was inspired by a conversation with my sister about perspectives. Someone somewhere, loves an arsehole.


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