How to Become Famous in 24 Hours and Lose Weight in the Process
And other nonsensical suggestions for you
The best advice anyone will give you about how to become famous is by considering what you’re going to become famous for first. Then, systematically and methodically apply your talents – or lack of, towards achieving it.
One of the best pieces of advice I read on a forum recently, with regards to becoming famous – which seems to be nearly everyone’s dream under 21 years of age – was that you need to distinguish yourself online first and foremost and associate with other famous people as well as others who will benefit your rise to stardom.
For instance, say you’re a 15 year old girl living in a small dusty town and really think you could outdo Lady Gaga – because let’s face it, she’s kind of a benchmark isn’t she? The fame monster queen has pretty much raised the bar on entertainment in her videos, live performances and her music. There’s also Rihanna, Adele and Beyonce who are all pretty darn good at what they do.
If you want to become famous, then you’re going to need a plan and it had better be fucking fantastic.
How to become famous in 24 hours and lose weight in the process
The easiest way is find Lady Gaga’s house, run there as fast as you can, stalk her for the next 24 hours until she panics and gives in and talks to you. Then you’ll shmooze her with your dazzling personality and charm – perhaps break out into song there and then, and pray that she finds you at the very least, amusing.
Of course you’re then risking being thrown in jail. That may or may not work very well for your stardom – depending on whether a criminal record will look good when a prying reporter digs up your past and also whether or not you look fantastic in a black and white side shot of your face because that’s probably going to be the expose photo of you when your dark past is revealed when you are finally famous.
The other sure fire way of doing so is going to be a little less, errr dramatic and might take slightly longer.
How to really become famous in slightly more than 24 hours and burn a calorie or 2
The first thing that anyone looks at in this day and age is your social media profile. Make yourself look fantastic. What’s really going to help you is a unique image that people will be drawn to and something that’s… different.
Lady Gaga’s worn a meat dress and that did her a lot of favours, so why don’t you wear a chicken dress? Or a fish dress? Spice it up a little – literally – and garnish yourself with turmeric (orange seems to have worked wonders for reality TV star – Donald Trump) or basil. You’ll not only get attention but you’ll smell fantastic and your skin will look amazing too. For a truly unforgettable debut, add some Rosemary twigs to your hair.
Let me tell you a little secret. Everyone loves a good tan. Instead of paying a lot of money for a tanning salon, why not juice a couple of beetroots and gently massage it into your skin? Not only will you tan very quickly, but you’ll also rejuvenate too! Beetroot is high in anti-oxidants which are amazing for your skin.
A word of advice, don’t get any in your eye. The last thing you want is to start your music career off with the following headline, “Small Town Teen With Flaming Red Eyes, Wearing Chicken Dress and Covered in Herbs Scares Small Children at Local Mall.”
Wearing all of the above, you’ll definitely burn a calorie or more!
A methodical approach
Now that you’ve got your social media profile image sorted out, you’re going to need to understand some marketing and how to get attention with your words. You’re going to need a good song sample too, preferably something original. Then upload it to YouTube and allow anyone to see it.
Record something delicious with your phone, dressed as you were for your social media profile pic. Given we’ve created an original theme with chicken and herbs, perhaps we can record it in the kitchen with some vegies and fruit in the background.
What you’ll need:
- 1 juicer
- 1 Large carrot
- 1 Saucepan
- 1 Wooden Spoon
- 1 Chicken (alive)
Set the chicken on the counter behind you and tie it’s feet so that it doesn’t stray too far from the background.
Put some vegetables in the juicer and turn it on. Place the sacepan next to the chicken and place your phone somewhere where you can capture the whole scenery and record the sound for maximum effect. Using the spoon, be prepared to bang the saucepan to a 4:4 beat. The carrot will be your creative microphone.
Begin singing, bang the saucepan with your wooden spoon while looking into the camera of your phone. If the chicken tries to get away, hit it gently with the wooden spoon on the head. Careful though, you want to stun it, not kill it.
Tying it all together
Fantastic! Well done! You’ve got the beginnings of a truly remarkable and completely original image and track!
Upload it to YouTube, then paste links to your Twitter, Instagram and Facebook profiles.
If you use the right hashtags, you’ll get lots of attention really quickly. You are highly likely to go viral. I mean it, you have a real shot of overnight fame in just 24 hours if you follow this simple trick!
Here’s a couple of good ones to get you started:
#ILoveChickens #Chicken4TheSoul #ChickenMusic #ChickenLive
Good luck and please share my post after you’ve experienced unbelievable fame so that others might benefit too!
Here’s someone who’s done this already and shot to the top!