Amazon Thinks I’m an Idiot

And after reading this post, I don’t blame them

You know when you go to download a book on Kindle? And that thing happens where Amazon goes, “Oh hey Fox, you’ve already downloaded that book,” and then you remember, that’s right, I downloaded that a year ago. Sometimes it takes reading the first chapter again before you remember. Even on the first couple of times this happened, I could tell that Amazon thinks I’m an idiot.

Literally days later, I’m excited by this new book I want to read and rush to the ‘1 Click Button’.

“Just a gentle reminder Fox, you’ve already downloaded that book. Here’s the proof, you got it waaaaaay back in 2013,” crap, great, let me now scroll through my huge library and try and find it so I can re-read it. Given I’ve forgotten the cover, name and author, I’m guessing the contents are going to be new to me too. Perhaps I can read it again and it will be all new material to me.

So I’m back on Amazon minutes later looking for that fantastic read; I’m curled up on the sofa with a glass of – I won’t lie and say coffee, it was wine – and ready for a good read. Find the most awesome sounding adventure by Matthew Reilly – an author who always guarantees I’ll be up reading all night, and glued to every page. “I’m sorry dear Fox, you seem to be having some memory issues because you’ve already read that one too.”

Fuck it. I’m getting pissed off, not at my own lacking ability to remember anything I’ve apparently digested, but at Amazon’s oh-so-condescending-tone-of-voice with those automated messages.

Let me try again, Paulo Coelho – ah yes! I definitely haven’t read that one, I can’t have! “I’m sorry Fox, perhaps you should do something else, reading really isn’t your strong suit is it?” comes Amazon’s message.

Ok, even though I know that Amazon thinks I’m an idiot, those messages are my summation of what it is really saying to me, not what they actually say. Even Amazon’s algorithm wouldn’t dream of actually saying what it thinks of me or my memory. Or lack of.

This happens to me time and time again. I forget a book – please other authors, don’t be offended – it’s me, it’s not you – because the reality is, I have a poor memory.

Just the other day, I found a referral on Goodreads for a great read. I jumped on Amazon and found the book and hit that magical oh-so-easy 1 Click Button with my heart a-fluttering and hopeful that I’m going to get to read a book that just got raved and 5 starred…

“Fox, you are a fucking idiot, please stop trying to download books you already have, you imbecile.”

There you go, Amazon thinks I’m an idiot and I have to be honest, the amount of times I try and download a book that I’ve already brought, I should be ashamed to be anywhere near that 1 Click Button.

I’ve since discovered the wonderful world of Goodreads ‘Yet to read’, ‘Currently reading’ and ‘You’ve read it already you fucking moron’ buttons. Now I can confidently waltz over to that 1 Click Button with slightly more confidence that Amazon isn’t going to think I’m an idiot.