Why Do Men Cheat? Hint: It’s Not About Sex

Why do men cheat? When a man cheats, it’s rarely because he tripped and fell into a vagina. Or a mouth. Or a plywood hole in a truck stop bathroom. It’s not just lust, despite what the sweat-drenched movies and testosterone-fueled podcasts want you to believe. Most cheating doesn’t come from the crotch. It comes from the ego. The part of the brain that says, “I need to feel seen, validated, desired,” even if everything else in life is falling apart.

Why do men cheat when they’re in relationships? Some men cheat because they’re emotionally starved and don’t know how to say, “I’m hurting.” Others cheat because they’re emotionally bloated and want a second dessert. Then there are the ones who cheat because they’ve tied their masculinity to conquest, and silence feels like failure.

And then there’s narcissists and psychopaths.

If a man ejaculates in the woods and no one’s there to know, did he really cheat?

Now we’re asking the real questions. And making therapists everywhere sigh into their soup.

What Actually Counts As Cheating?

That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? If a man has an anonymous hookup with someone whose face he never sees, whose name he never hears, and whose existence evaporates faster than his post-nut clarity… does it count?

He didn’t wine and dine them. Didn’t send flirty texts or write “you up?” at 2AM. He didn’t even make eye contact. It was mechanical. Efficient. More like using an ATM than connecting with a human. So… is it cheating? Or just scratching an itch using someone else’s back?

Some say yes. Because cheating isn’t about penetration, it’s about intention. The betrayal. The lie by omission.

The fact that you needed something your partner couldn’t give, and you went looking for it elsewhere. In the dark. Like a horny raccoon.

Others say no. Because how can it be cheating if you don’t even know what you cheated with? That’s not infidelity. That’s plausible deniability with a side of hand sanitiser.

But here’s the truth: if you’re hiding it, it’s cheating. If you’re terrified of getting caught, it’s cheating. If you tell yourself it doesn’t count because “they didn’t even see my face,” it’s cheating.

Cheating used to mean climbing out someone’s bedroom window with your pants inside out. Now it means opening incognito mode and not blinking for 45 minutes.

And if your pants are around your ankles in a place with a cleaning rota, you probably already know the answer.

The Sliding Scale of Sin

Not all cheating wears the same outfit. Some shows up in fishnets and bad decisions. Others wear a smile and hold the door open for your girlfriend while texting their ex “just to check in.”

Let’s break it down.

• Level 1: Flirty Banter.
  That thing you do with your barista where you both pretend it’s harmless? It’s not. If your lattes come with eye contact and emotional validation, congratulations! You’re halfway to emotional foreplay.
• Level 2: The Secret Follow.
  You didn’t talk to them. You just followed their Instagram, liked three thirst traps, and watched every Story like it was the season finale of your self-control.
• Level 3: Digital Dalliances.
  OnlyFans. Sexting. Sending that “You up?” message at 1:12 a.m. It’s not just flirting anymore. It’s interactive cheating with customer service and monthly billing.
• Level 4: Emotional Intimacy.
  You told her about your childhood trauma. She told you about her dream wedding. Neither of you told your partners. That’s not friendship. That’s a rom-com in denial.
• Level 5: The Physical Act.
  The blowjob. The quickie. The weekend “conference.” Yes, that’s cheating. No, you’re not special because it was “just once.” You’re just basic with a guilt complex.

So where’s the line? Wherever your shame reflex kicks in. If you wouldn’t do it in front of your partner, it probably belongs on this list.

Is watching someone undress on OnlyFans while your partner sleeps two rooms away cheating?

Where does cheating actually start? Some people draw the line at kissing. Others say if you didn’t catch feelings, it doesn’t count. And then there’s the camp that believes if it’s in a sex club or anonymously through a hole in the wall, God looks the other way. Speaking of God, here’s a post that’s a little unGodly.

When It’s Not a Person, But a Pattern

Some men don’t cheat with a person. They cheat with everyone. Not all at once, but one after another, like a broken record that only plays the sound of “I’m not getting what I want, so I’ll take it somewhere else.”

And then there are the narcissists. For them, cheating isn’t betrayal. It’s breakfast. It’s just a Tuesday. If they’re not being adored, admired, or airbrushed in someone’s fantasy, they panic. Validation isn’t a luxury. It’s oxygen. If you’ve ever dated one, you’ll know… and if you haven’t, read this breakdown of vindictive narcissist behaviour before you do.. Cheating is less about you and more about their insatiable need to keep the spotlight on themselves. Even if that spotlight is coming from a stranger’s phone flashlight under a pub bathroom stall.

It’s not about lust. It’s about loops. The emotional hamster wheel of “seduce, escape, repeat.” These are the guys who get off on the high of being wanted more than the act of wanting anyone specific.

They’ll tell you it “just happened.” Again. And again. And weirdly, always right after an argument, a boring patch, or a Tuesday.

These men don’t cheat to leave you. They cheat to avoid being with you. Or more accurately, being with themselves. Because if they stop chasing new validation for five minutes, they might actually have to sit in their own skin. And that, to them, is worse than getting caught.

They’re not searching for love. They’re outsourcing their self-worth one orgasm at a time.

Like narcissists, for example. For them, cheating isn’t betrayal. It’s hydration. If they’re not sipping from the cup of someone else’s admiration, they start to wither. Seriously, read my breakdown of narcissistic behaviour if you think I’m exaggerating.

These guys aren’t chasing connection. They’re chasing confirmation. That they still matter and can still walk into a room and leave someone panting. It’s less about the sex and more about the mirror. I go on a bit about narcissism in this category.

The Glory Hole Loophole

Ah yes. The anonymous blowjob loophole. The classic “it doesn’t count if I don’t know their name” clause.

Some men genuinely believe this. They will look their partner in the eye and say, “It wasn’t cheating. I didn’t even see their face.” As if cheating is only valid if there’s a LinkedIn profile involved.

A glory hole doesn’t come with wedding vows. It comes with splinters and plausible deniability. That’s the appeal. It’s not about sex. It’s about erasing yourself. You get to be nobody for five minutes, do something allegedly shameful, and pretend you were abducted by aliens if anyone asks.

There’s no pillow talk. No cuddling and definitely no saved contacts in your phone. Just you, your secrets, and the gaping hole in your morality.

Spoiler: yes, it’s still cheating. Even if it felt more like a fast food drive-thru than an affair. You still pulled up, ordered and ate. Whether it’s a greasy snack or a five-star meal, the bill still comes.

Join our GloryHole archives!

The Religious Trauma Kink

This part’s important. For men raised in religious shame, the idea of being watched while doing something taboo is less a kink and more an exorcism.

So when a man cheats in a confessional booth without a priest, is he sinning? Or healing?

We drag our religious guilt into every bedroom we enter. Especially men. Especially men who were taught that desire is dirty, that masculinity must be earned, and that sex only counts if it involves procreation, candles, and silence.

That’s why so many men crave anonymity. Because it feels like freedom, it deletes identity and often because it allows them to want what they want without the moral hangover.

Why do men cheat when they’re not even chasing love? Because it’s not about sex. It’s about how they feel in the mirror someone else holds up.

The Ego Behind the Erection

Most cheating isn’t about who’s on the other side of the kiss, the blowjob or the sex. It’s about what the cheater sees reflected back.

Am I still wanted?

Do I still matter?

Can I still get it?

When a man cheats, it’s often not because he found someone better. It’s because he felt like someone worse.

And sex, especially anonymous sex, is the quickest shortcut to feeling powerful again. Even if it lasts four minutes and ends in a paper towel.

So Is It Cheating?

Here’s the only question you really need:

Would you be okay if your partner did the exact same thing?

If the answer is no, then yes. You cheated. Doesn’t matter if it was a name, a body, or a mouth through drywall.

If the answer is yes, you might want to check if you’re in a relationship at all.

Cheating is never just about the act. It’s about the meaning. The context. The motive. The aftermath.

And if you’re still not sure, ask yourself this:

If a man comes anonymously and no one knows but him… does he sleep better at night?

Exactly.

The truth is, it was never just about sex. It was about being seen.

Or maybe, finally, not being seen at all.

Have you checked out Good Luck Getting Rid of Me yet? There’s one arsehole who not only cheated, but he did it nearly every day while smiling and calling me crazy for pointing out the evidence. Thankfully, there’s a warrant for his arrest (not for the cheating, but for the insane other shit he did).