Bromance, Fluidity, and the Spectrum of Male Connection

Fluidity

Imagine that life is a sliding scale of feminine to masculine and there is no right or wrong. You don’t have to be any one thing. You get to choose where you sit; probably somewhere between Rambo and RuPaul. Extremely feminine? Cool. Kinda masculine? Go off. Don’t want to label it? Then don’t. Don’t give a fuck? Welcome to the club. Who are we to judge or not judge? Some days, I want to punch the living shit out of a wall while screaming Metallica lyrics. Other days, I want to sob into a cushion while watching The Notebook and spooning the neighbour’s dog. Fluidity, my friend. Not mental illness.

Let me tell you how I got here. Years ago, I started writing about sexuality, identity, and the in-between. Not because I had it figured out. Far from it. I was confused, curious, and horny. And somewhere between writing about bisexual prostitution and gay suicide, I realised that we’re all just trying to find our people. Our tribe. Our safe space.

Personality: The Real Aphrodisiac

The idea that personality trumps sexuality isn’t some TikTok trend: it’s been brewing for decades. The newer mindset is about being real. Not necessarily revolutionary or ground-breaking. Just… you. Raw, weird, messy, and hopefully a little sarcastic.

I know this because I’ve had the privilege of beta readers who pull no punches. I’ve written about gay suicide, bisexual prostitution, and being torn between a woman and a man. And these brutally honest humans have taught me something critical: people are more drawn to who you are than what you fuck.

I’ve known people who fall in love with personalities, not parts.

Fluidity and Sexual Attraction, Decoded

It’s not about rigid identity. It’s about emotional connection and fluidity in how we relate to each other. Some women love women not because they’re lesbians, but because it’s convenient, safe, and they just vibe. One of my friends was raised by two women who were soulmates but never labelled themselves gay. Labels weren’t needed. Their connection spoke louder than orientation.

Now let me tell you about two straight-identifying male friends of mine. These guys are joined at the soul. They’ve dated the same woman, shared clothes, cuddled when drunk, and would probably die inside if the other disappeared. But they’ve never fucked, and the idea makes them both squirm. Still, their connection is deeper than most marriages. That’s bromance. Not gay. Not straight. Just them.

They both look traditionally masculine but don’t see themselves that way and also don’t play by old rules. They understand people are people. Love is love. Bromance is bromance. And increasingly, that’s a common mindset.

When Bromance Turns Sexual: The Grey Zone

Sometimes, bromance isn’t just hugs and shared Spotify playlists. Sometimes, it crosses into territory where lines get blurred and curiosity takes over. And sometimes, even after that curiosity is satisfied, the friendship survives… even thrives.

I’ve heard from men who’ve experimented with their best mate. Just once. Just to see. And it either became a beautiful mess or a story never spoken of again. That’s the nature of human connection: unpredictable, chaotic, layered.

Bromance in Pop Culture: It’s Everywhere

You’ve seen it. You just maybe didn’t have the language for it. From Frodo and Sam to JD and Turk in Scrubs, bromance has always been there: emotional intimacy, deep trust, zero shame. And the more we allow ourselves to see it, the less lonely it feels.

Bromance isn’t subtext anymore. It’s front and centre. It’s in songs, in interviews, in podcasts. Men crying on each other’s shoulders, not because they’re drunk, but because they’re safe enough to. This isn’t weakness. It’s evolution.

The New Era: Burn the Fucking Stereotypes

Welcome to the rejection of off the shelf gender roles. This generation’s done being spoon fed ad campaigns that tell us what a “real man” or “real woman” should be. The public is flipping the bird to homogenised, binary bullshit. We want custom, nuanced or messy.

Take the infamous Gillette ad: you know the one where they dared to suggest men could be sensitive without having to surrender their testosterone. Cue outrage. Cue applause. Personally? I bloody loved it. Gillette can keep my money. They know I’m the man I want to be, and that’s enough.

Final Thoughts: Let Go of the Labels

Here’s the thing, we’re obsessed with naming everything. But some things don’t need a label. They need space. They need breath and fluidity. A bromance might look like love, feel like love, but exist in a category all its own. Is Bromance gay? No.

I’ve seen bromance save lives. Give hope. Be the one relationship a man can count on when everything else falls apart.

So maybe next time you see two men who look too close to be “just friends,” consider that maybe, just maybe, they’re lucky enough to have something the rest of us are still trying to find.

Bromance isn’t code for being closeted. It’s not always gay or straight. It’s just complicated, chaotic, sometimes tender, sometimes not, and always worth talking about.

If you’re still trying to label it, maybe you’re missing the point.