Surviving BPD and NPD: ADHD, Addiction, and Everything in Between

Surviving BPD and NPD: ADHD, Addiction, and Everything in Between

This isn’t a sob story. It’s not some humblebrag about resilience. This is a documentation of psychological warfare. It’s about surviving someone with BPD and NPD. It’s about what happens when untreated Borderline Personality Disorder meets narcissistic personality traits, hard drugs, zero accountability, ADHD, Autism, emotional immaturity and a sex drive so intense it should be in a museum next to the weapons.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is an emotional rollercoaster with no seatbelts. It swings between absolute lows and euphoric highs, often dragging everyone along for the ride.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)? That one doesn’t swing. It steamrolls. It’s not something you can fix or treat with a hug and a mindfulness app. It’s something you should run from; fast, and without looking back.

You think you’re falling in love with someone who’s a bit quirky, a bit misunderstood, maybe a little broken. You think you can handle it. You’ve read the blogs, and got loads of empathy. You’ve done the inner child work. And then you wake up one day with cameras hidden in your bedroom, a few hundred missed calls, and a video of your own masturbation (revengeporn) forwarded to your friends and family. Welcome to BPD and NPD in a relationship. Buckle up.

BPD and NPD: The Relationship You Think You Can Handle

Let’s break it down. BPD and NPD often overlap. When they do, you’re in for chaos on tap. One minute they’re sobbing into your chest and telling you no one’s ever understood them like you do. The next minute, you’re public enemy number one. They split. You’re either a god or a monster. No in between.

Now add ADHD, and Autism plus untreated trauma. Now add meth. Add GHB. Sprinkle in a few thousand lies. Mix vigorously. What you get is a relationship where you’re always off-balance. Confused. Exhausted. And just when you think it’s safe to leave, they show up with tears and gifts and sex that makes you forget your own name. Yeah. How to know if someone is manipulating you.

Love Bombing. Gaslighting. Trauma Bonding. Repeat.

The cycle is textbook. Love bombing so intense you wonder if you’ve finally found the real thing. Then the silent treatments. The random explosions. The bizarre accusations. The moments of tenderness that make you question whether you’re the one who’s overreacting. Spoiler: you’re not.

If you’ve been in a bpd meets npd relationship, you already know the drill. You start doubting yourself, while slowly isolating from friends. You make excuses and google things like “bpd and npd at the same time” or “am I the narcissist” at 2am. That’s not love. That’s a psychological hostage situation with cuddles.

Signs of a Malignant Narcissist

There are different types of narcissists, the loud, the charming, the wounded, and the ones who seem like they’re auditioning for a human disguise. But the most dangerous of them all? That’s the malignant narcissist. They don’t just want attention. They want control, destruction, and an audience for the wreckage.

Let’s go there. The signs of a malignant narcissist aren’t always fireworks. Sometimes they’re quiet. Calculated. A covert malignant narcissist doesn’t rage, they plot. They get into your head. They wear your face like a mask. And when you finally try to leave, they don’t just let you go. They destroy the village on their way out. It’s called a smear campaign.

Mine installed hidden cameras facing the bed. Stole my wedding ring. Impersonated therapists and specialists on my website. Sent revenge porn to my friends and threatened to send it to my family, including my nieces. Created fake email accounts. Called me 1,000 times a day until I changed my number, then catfished people to get my new number. Triggered police responses. Got me arrested and jailed all while convincing me it was my fault. Did I mention he claimed to love me?

Yeah.

The Sex Was Phenomenal

Let’s not lie. If you’ve ever dated someone with bpd and npd, you already know. The sex is often next-level. It’s how they bond and how they control. It’s how you end up believing maybe you’re the problem. And yes, it was phenomenal. So phenomenal that I’ve written a full sex chapter you can read if you’re into that sort of thing. Keep checking here until you see, Sex with Ben in the Dirty Airbnb.

You’ll need to subscribe for updates and you’ll get access to download a pdf. I do this because it’s too hot for a regular blog post and to protect those who are underage.

ADHD, Addiction and Mood Swings

Now let’s throw in more neurodivergence. ADHD wasn’t the enemy. It was the distraction. Constantly shifting attention. Rabbit holes. Impulses. But when untreated bpd met untreated ADHD and meth addiction, what came next was a hurricane with no eye. Just chaos in every direction. Grand plans. Wild breakdowns. Fantasies of starting businesses while stealing from mine.

The mood swings were seismic. One minute he wanted to marry me. The next, he was threatening to kill himself because I didn’t reply to a text fast enough. I stopped sleeping properly. I stopped trusting my instincts. That’s what bpd and npd in a relationship do. They unravel your sense of safety one lie at a time.

BPD and NPD in a Relationship: Difference Doesn’t Matter When You’re Bleeding

Look, there are entire psychology textbooks dedicated to the difference between bpd and npd. But when you’re bleeding out emotionally, you stop caring what flavour of disordered behaviour just exploded in your face. You just want it to stop.

The bpd and npd overlap isn’t just a buzzword. It’s hell in heels. Or joggers. Or in my case, lime green pyjamas and a US Southern accent. Untreated bpd isn’t cute. Narcissism isn’t quirky. And a meth and GHB addiction on top of all that? A Molotov cocktail with a mood disorder.

Surviving the Aftermath

You don’t just walk away, you crawl. Start detoxing from the love bombing, then stare at your phone waiting for the next explosion. You block them. Then you unblock them. Then you block them again. Your friends are sick of hearing about it. You feel like an idiot and start thinking maybe you imagined the whole thing.

You didn’t.

So…

If you’ve survived a relationship with someone with bpd and npd, especially one tangled up in drugs, untreated ADHD, and mood disorders, I see you. I wrote this post because it needs to exist. Someone out there needs to know they’re not crazy. That this really does happen. That someone like me got arrested, humiliated, violated… and still made it out.

Barely.

Subscribe for updates and I’ll send you updates on new chapters as I publish them. The memoir is called Good Luck Getting Rid of Me and trust me, the title isn’t a metaphor. The first chapter is on me and available now.

Oh, and the sex chapter?
It’s waiting for you once you subscribe.