Stimulation

We throw around stimulation like it’s a setting on a microwave. But real stimulation? The kind that lingers, the kind that ruins you for anyone else? That’s an art form. And spoiler alert: it doesn’t start with someone’s tongue in your ear. It starts way earlier, deep in your twisted little brain.

Some people spend a lifetime chasing that high and settle for a lot less. Me? I chased it once and it nearly cost me my sanity, my bank account, and a country or two. (But hey, phenomenal sex is one hell of a drug.)

Stimulation Is Mental First, Physical Later

You don’t need a hand on your thigh to get turned on. Sometimes all it takes is a message that hits just right at 2AM. Or someone who sees straight through your performance and pulls your actual thoughts out of hiding. That’s stimulation. It’s not touch… it’s tension. It’s someone casually dropping a line that makes your knees buckle mentally before you’ve even gotten naked. Like when they lean in just a little too close and whisper, “If I touch you now, we’re not making it out of this room.”
No skin-on-skin yet. Just words. And suddenly your whole body is screaming please fucking touch me without a single hand being laid.

Sex with someone who gets your mind hits different. It’s the difference between phenomenal sex and just… friction. Stimulation turns a hookup into an obsession. It’s the voice, the banter, the build-up that lights you up before anyone’s even removed a sock.

Why People Keep Screwing This Up

Everyone’s in a rush. Swipe, match, meet, fuck. They want the climax without the chemistry. And then they wonder why it feels like fast food for the soul. No depth, no tension, no craving. Just an empty orgasm and a deleted number.

But stimulation? Real stimulation makes your whole body react before there’s even a kiss. It’s the pause before the first touch, the almost. Like edging your brain.

Phenomenal Sex Is a Side Effect of Real Stimulation

When stimulation’s done right, the sex becomes something else. Something magnetic. You’re not just naked; you’re exposed, and somehow safe in it. The sex isn’t just phenomenal… it’s unforgettable. It’s the kind that haunts you mid-meeting, makes you write poems, turns your shower into a memory loop.

The Hole in the Door dives deep into this. I didn’t write about just the act. I wrote about what leads to it. The energy. The mind games. The connection that made the actual sex feel like an out-of-body experience.

Stimulation, Glory Holes, and the Mindfuck You Didn’t See Coming

Let’s talk glory holes for a second. You’d think that’s the opposite of mental stimulation, like anonymous, physical, raw. But here’s the twist: even in those moments, the idea of not knowing can be its own kind of mental game. For some people, the mystery is the turn-on. It’s all in the mind.

Same goes for phenomenal gay sex, especially when there’s buildup, narrative, tension. Just because it’s two men or two women doesn’t make stimulation any less essential. If anything, we sometimes play the game even better. More psychological. Less performative. Sometimes filthier. Always smarter.

Curious what happens when stimulation and anonymity collide? I wrote a filthy little story called The Hole in the Door. It’s what happens when lust, curiosity, and a poorly placed hole in the wall meet

Gay Sex and the Stimulation Equation

In gay sex (or queer sex in general) the stimulation often comes with nuance. The looks. The pacing. The banter that starts over coffee (or online apps) and ends with you begging them not to stop talking even while they’re inside you. Because when it’s right, the stimulation isn’t about gender. It’s about intimacy. Curiosity. The beautiful torture of being seen.

Two women? Same thing. The anticipation. The slow burn. The mind-first, body-second strategy. People in queer relationships often understand stimulation isn’t a warm-up. It’s the whole damn concert.

So What Turns You On?

Ask yourself next time: are you actually into them, or just available? Because if someone’s not stimulating your mind, they’re probably just another notch on your rapidly regressing interest scale.

Stimulation isn’t optional if you want the kind of sex you dream about. It’s the difference between being fucked and being felt.

And if you want to see what happens when stimulation turns into obsession, chaos, and destruction faster than you can say “red flag,” my memoir Good Luck Getting Rid of Me lays it all out. Spoiler: the sex was phenomenal. The aftermath was catastrophic.