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We toss around the word “stimulation” like it’s just another coin in our pocket. Familiar, maybe comforting, but rarely something we stop to think about. But here’s the thing. Real stimulation is an art form. And it doesn’t start with someone’s hands. It starts long before that, in a place where words do more damage than fingers ever could.
It begins in that messed-up brain of yours. In the thoughts that sneak in when you’re not looking. The emotions that jump out when you’re trying to play it cool. That’s where the real spark happens. And yeah, most people forget that part. But it’s everything. Think about it. When did you last feel truly lit up by someone? Was it their hands on your body? Or was it their voice, their brain, that weird late-night chat that left you quietly obsessed?
Sure, physical connection matters. I’m not knocking it. The way someone touches you, the way they lean in, the smell of their skin. It’s electric. But none of it means a damn thing if your brain isn’t already into them. Sex hits different when there’s actual connection. The kind that doesn’t need a safe word because the whole thing already feels like trust. I did explore a lot of this in The Hole in the Door.
The problem is, everyone’s in a rush. They skip the build-up and go straight to the climax. Like they’re fast-forwarding through the best part of the song. But the build-up is the gold. That’s the bit that makes you crave someone before they’ve even touched you. Just like life being a journey and not being in a hurry to get to the end.
I’ve had people say, “Get in my head first and you’re already in my pants.” It’s about being seen. Understood. Not just wanted physically, but wanted for all of you.
So next time you’re thinking about what turns someone on, pause. Skip the nonsense. Start with your words. Let your mind flirt. Let your voice wander. If someone sees your soul before they see your chest, trust me. The sex is going to be phenomenal.
Sex is mental before it’s physical. And once you’ve nailed the mind part, unless your dick literally needs a search party, someone is going to throw you on the bed and whisper “yes” like they’ve been waiting all year.
Have you checked out my latest book called Good Luck Getting Rid of Me? What about The Hole in the Door? That one has done pretty well and is a little…saucy.