Is Bromance Gay?

No smart person could question… is bromance gay? Especially if they understood what Bromance was.

For an updated post, see my new one on bromance from glory holes to grey zones. 

A bromance is a close relationship between two guys that isn’t sexual in nature and usually very intense. In today’s far-too-complicated world of stereotypes and seemingly-necessary labels it seems that we must categorise everyone. If two guys are remarkably close – they must be gay.

Is Bromance Gay?

Firstly, judgement of anyone’s lifestyle choices is wrong. Two women can share a bed, do each other’s hair, nails etc. and not be accused of being lesbians. Men should be able to have similarly close friendships regardless of the panel of the eyes of judgement.

Secondly, understand that nothing has changed for men or women in the modern world other than communication is much more widespread so there’s more open discussion (and anonymous discussion). People talk about it a lot more these days because bromances are coming out of the closet.

I’ve had my share of bromances and I’ve known many guys in them. Sometimes that bromance can be between 3 or more guys and again, each of them take something out of it that suits them and there’s absolutely nothing sexual about it. There might be some secret underlying sexual desire there…sure, but then we’re moving away from bromance and more towards a sexual inclination towards that guy. There was that one time I got ghosted that messed me up for a few weeks and I wrote him a ‘Fuck you letter‘ in my head…

I wrote a blog about bisexual thoughts here and plan to add a bit to it, it was inspired by the book I wrote called Toby which is about a male bisexual prostitute living in Barcelona and loosely based on someone I know. Unlike Monique, which is a book I wrote about a north London prostitute and is very much a true story. I warn you not to read it unless you are prepared. It is extremely gritty and violent in parts.

Toby

Toby once told me that he considered himself straight, then a year later – when he was seeing a guy – he told me he thought he was gay. Then he met a lovely girl and fell in love with her and was going to have her babies…blah blah… that relationship ended too. By that point, he was bisexual and quite proud of it. Back then, I think he was the first bi guy I’d actually met. It was around then that I started wondering if the world was seeing open bisexuality for the first time or whether it had been around for a long time. It turns out, it’s been around a very long time and I’d just lived a partially sheltered existence. The whole sexual identity topic is another big trending discussion that naturally, I had my two cents worth with here.

My friend Steve identifies as completely gay and has a bestie that’s completely straight. But he questions that with some of the things that have happened to him. Our conversation started with Steve assuring me that his mate Paul is definitely gay. When I began to delve into the topic and ask a few questions – I’m not a reporter, I’m just nosey – I realised that he was in a very monogamous bromance and didn’t realise it. Some of the things that have happened to Steve include:

• He and Paul often lay next to each other in bed or the couch and watch movies in their underpants
• Paul often seems to ‘show off’ his body and has many times ‘accidentally’ flashed him his bits
• On many occasions after the gym they attend together, Paul is keen to get to the showers with him, then spends a long time drying while naked in front of Steve which actually makes Steve uncomfortable
• When Steve and Paul are drunk and texting each other, Paul will often flirt with him and allude to sexual acts without actually saying the words. If Steve gets a little too suggestive, Paul stops responding
• Once, Steve made the mistake of suggesting they try something together and Paul got angry and informed Steve that he’s not gay and stormed off.

It is clear to me that Paul is an exhibitionist who loves the attention from both men and women. It’s also clear to me that Paul has strong feelings for Steve and cares for him a great deal. What is also clear to me is that Paul is very straight and has absolutely no intention of crossing the boundary from his bromance to being curious or bisexual. I could be wrong, but to me, this is a very clear bromance. In this instance, is bromance gay? Nah.

I warned Steve to be careful when he admitted all of this to me, that if he tries something with Paul, it could ruin their friendship beyond repair. Do not mistake bromance for a gay romance. They are not the same!

Bromances

Many times in my life, I’ve seen bromances that are very close and to the point that I already know, they will never cross that boundary. Those guys know it and their wives/girlfriends know it but joke about it.

I was part of a three-way bromance for a while – yes, sounds kinky doesn’t it – but I can assure you that none of us had any sexual interest in each other, well…at least I don’t think we did. What was most amusing to the three of us was how the wives/girlfriends would often ask us when we would “finally have sex and get it over with.” There wasn’t and never would be, any sex. That’s what makes a bromance so powerful and interesting. It’s platonic and it is special. It is probably the closest a straight guy will come to having a gay relationship. It can very much appear to an outsider that something must be going on. There’s a 99.9% chance that there isn’t. If you’re in doubt, then don’t and f you are that gay guy that’s trying to work out if his straight mate is bisexual or curious, he isn’t. If you have to ask that question, then he probably isn’t. Don’t destroy that bromance. If you came here asking is bromance gay? in this instance, then chances are it isn’t.

Let me point out another little bit of advice I’ve noted over the hundreds of years I’ve been loitering this planet, if a guy is straight and very comfortable with his sexuality, then he’s going to play up on it and have no issues with other guys. If however you see a guy make homophobic comments or is uncomfortable around guys, bromances etc… then there’s a higher chance that he’s a closet case waiting to bust a move. Modern straight guys generally don’t have issues with sexual identity and will in fact ask lots of questions about it.

Historical Bromances

Let’s look at some historical characters who were notably straight and had close relationships with other men. What we once called besties is today called a bromance: a brother type romance. It’s funny that back before sexual identification became a hot potato, people didn’t publicly ask ‘is bromance gay or not’. Men and women were free to be besties without scrutiny. Perhaps there’s something to be said for the good old black and white days where people whispered their suspicions but would never come right out and ask, is bromance gay?

Matt Damon & Ben Affleck – modern bromancers

Achilles & Patroclus – when Patroclus was struck down, Achilles went on a blood curdling revenge

John Adams & Thomas Jefferson – besties in American history

Bob Hope and Bing Crosby – two more movie actor besties of the 70’s

King Richard & Blondel – when King Richard was captured, bromie Blondel came a runnin’

Octavian & Agrippa – from the Roman Empire – these two were like one ruler

Sherlock Holmes and Watson – inseparable detective and his sidekick from the mid 1900’s

Trump and Putin – seriously would NOT be surprised.

So, is bromance gay? Probably not, now stop trying to categorise people and go get yourself a bromance. They’re all the rage right now.

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