How Are Glory Holes in Bathrooms Made? Asking for a Curious Carpenter

There are questions in life we’re all too afraid to Google.
Then there’s “how are glory holes in bathrooms made?”
A question that, apparently, thousands of you have typed with trembling hands and incognito tabs, hoping the FBI wasn’t watching.

So let’s talk about it. Not because we should, but because Google says we must. Check out the full history here.

The Hole Truth

It usually starts with a whisper.
“Heard there’s one at that old truck stop.”
“No, not that stall. The stall.”

Next thing you know, someone’s sliding into a questionable public restroom like it’s the Louvre, looking for a very niche piece of performance art.

But here’s the thing. Glory holes don’t materialise like crop circles. Someone makes them with tools and conviction… and possibly a deeply repressed desire to star in a viral Reddit thread titled “Things I Regret Doing with a Power Drill.”

DIY Glory Hole or Die Trying

Let’s be real.
The glory hole artisan is not your average Bob the Builder.
This is a person who walked into a stall, looked at a tiled wall and thought,

“You know what this needs? A hole. For dicks.”

No blueprint. No permit. Just vibes.

They’re usually armed with
– a hole saw (not to be confused with a hoe saw, different vibe),
– zero common sense,
– and a dangerous level of confidence about wood panelling.

And some glory hole construction enthusiasm.

By the time someone notices, it’s too late.
The hole has happened.
The pipe dreams are in motion.

A DIY glory hole master provided a service.

The Golden Ratio of Girth

Now let’s talk specs.
How big is a glory hole, really?

Well, it’s… interpretive. There’s no ISO-certified dimension.
Some are tight enough to trigger PTSD in anyone who’s ever zippered themselves mid-fumble. Others? So wide you wonder if it was made for a horse. Or by one.

There are two main design philosophies:
– Precision engineering: perfect circle, sanded edges, possibly lined with padding (ew)
– Chainsaw energy: jagged, cracked, and emotionally threatening

Either way, it’s a hole with dreams.
And at some point, someone’s gonna try to stick hope through it.

Stall Wars: Public vs Private

Let’s address the logistics.
No one’s cutting one into their ensuite bathroom. That’s a conversation you don’t want to have with your Airbnb host.

Glory holes live in
– nightclubs with sticky floors
– highway rest stops
– and that one gay bar in every city with a “clothing optional backroom” and a sign that just says “play area”

If you find one in a Starbucks, run. You’ve entered a different kind of dark roast.

Is There a Glory Hole Union?

Unlikely.

But imagine it.

An underground society of rogue contractors.
Code name: The Drilluminati.

They meet bi-monthly.
They share tips on alignment, sanitisation, and how to cut through drywall without alerting management.

Their motto?

“Measure twice. Apologise never.”

Sanitation, Splinters, and Other Erotic Hazards

Let’s not romanticise this.
A hole in a public bathroom wall isn’t exactly a spa treatment.

It comes with
– gonorrhoea risks
– possible tetanus
– and the very real chance of eye contact with a stranger’s belt buckle

There’s also the awkwardness of the silent withdrawal.
Like, are we shaking hands? Do I bank transfer you?
What are the etiquette rules here?

(Answer: there are none. This is the Wild West, but wetter.)

So… How Are Glory Holes in Bathrooms Made?

Messily.
Secretly.
Usually by someone who thinks they’re doing God’s work but forgot that God is probably shaking His head going,

“I gave you opposable thumbs for this?”

They’re made by desperation, curiosity, thrill-seeking, and sometimes boredom.
They’re the bastard child of horny engineering and public anonymity.

And yet… here we are.
Still asking and still Googling while wondering if that suspicious hole at the local dive bar is what we think it is, or if the toilet paper dispenser just fell off again.

Also, how far back do glory holes really go? Were they invented by the Romans? The Ming Dynasty? Or just some horny bastard with a drill and a dream in 1970s Detroit?

Final Thoughts From the Stall

So, how are glory holes in bathrooms made? I hear you ask. If you’re thinking of making one, here’s my advice:

Don’t.

You’re not going to be the hero of this story.
At best, you’ll end up in a Reddit post.
At worst, a tetanus shot with your pants down.

So unless you’re a licensed contractor with a kink for anonymity and access to a cleaning crew, maybe just open Grindr.

At least that comes with a bio, a location, and the ability to say “no thanks” without needing antibiotics.

Check out this post in which we disgustingly compare glory holes to confessionals. You’re welcome.

Want to keep reading?
Check out the entire Glory Hole Archive and learn more about male desire, anonymous sex, and how shame wears many disguises, including drywall.

Pssst. Did you know I literally wrote the book on glory holes? The Hole in the Door is… quite deep.