How to Broach a Difficult Subject (Without Getting Shot by the Messenger Police)
Are You Being a Friend or a Foe?
You know that face people make just before they kill the messenger? That microsecond of disbelief, betrayal and how dare you rage? Yeah. That one.
There’s no manual for this. No YouTube tutorial titled How to Tell Your Best Friend Their Breath Smells Like a Dead Ferret. And yet, here we are, shoving truth through gritted teeth and hoping it doesn’t blow up our lives. Learning how to broach a difficult subject is like playing emotional dodgeball with live grenades. You’re probably going to get hit.
But sometimes, being the asshole is exactly what’s needed.
The Day I Chose Truth Over Comfort
Let’s talk about Josh.
Josh was that guy: funny, easygoing, always up for beers or a lunchtime kickabout. One of those coworkers you secretly wish you had as a flatmate, until he opens his mouth and a cloud of halitosis rolls through like the fog of death.
It was bad, and I do mean really bad. Terminal bad. His breath had an actual reputation in the office. People whispered, while many fled.
I didn’t want to be cruel. I also didn’t want to keep inhaling his internal rot. So after six months of passive suffering, I finally grew a pair and decided to do the unthinkable.
One not-rainy Friday night (let’s not get dramatic), a few of us hit the pub for post-work bitching. After a few pints, everyone but Josh and I had left. The beer kicked in. The vibe was casual. My moment had arrived.
“Mate… do you have halitosis?”
Boom. Silence. You could hear a pin drop on the soggy pub carpet.
His face froze. Then came the stiff reply: “No. But thanks for pointing it out.”
We finished our beers, changed the subject, and left. He wasn’t cold to me afterward, but something died and it wasn’t more of his internal organs. The closeness and the banter. We were now strictly colleagues.
The kicker? His breath was miraculously minty fresh after that.
Should You Be the Messenger?
Let’s be real. If you say something, you might help someone. You also might nuke your relationship with them.
Since Josh, I’ve had to do this multiple times. Sometimes it’s halitosis. Sometimes it’s calling out manipulative behaviour or narcissistic red flags. There’s never a good way. You just prepare for emotional fallout and pray they don’t blacklist you from their wedding.
But here’s what I’ve learned: it’s less about how to broach a difficult subject and more about why you’re doing it. If you truly care about that person, you’ll risk the awkwardness. If you don’t, maybe let it go and save your karma points.
Just remember that truth has a cost. Sometimes that cost is them walking out of your life.
Strategies for Staying (Somewhat) Sane
1. The Drunken Truth Bomb
Get them tipsy. Say the thing. If they remember, you meant it. If they don’t, it was the tequila talking. Either way, mission accomplished… sort of.
2. The Diplomacy Game
Open with love. “You know I adore you, right? But there’s something I’ve noticed…” It softens the blow, even if it lands like a slap.
3. The Nuclear Option
Just say it. No fluff. Rip off the Band-Aid and prepare for impact.
Or say nothing. You’re not the United Nations. You’re not obligated to mediate someone’s personality flaws.
Still, if everyone keeps avoiding the truth, nothing changes. And sometimes the person you could’ve helped just ends up being the punchline of a group chat instead.
When It Happened to Me
I’ve been on the receiving end too.
A guy once told me I was too loud when I got excited. Not in a caring, I-want-you-to-grow way. In a smug, I’ve-been-waiting-to-say-this way.
It stung. But I took a few days, did the soul-searching thing, and asked a few friends if it was true. Turns out… yeah. I can be a bit much sometimes. That moment rewired me. These days, I often err on the side of quiet just in case I’m annoying.
Which sucks. Because now I sometimes feel like I’m hiding the loudest parts of myself just to keep others comfortable. But I’d rather do that than have people whisper about me behind my back.
Final Thoughts on How to Broach a Difficult Subject
There’s no answer for every situation. But if you’re going to do it, do it with empathy and a genuine intention to help, not humiliate.
Ask yourself this: If something about you might be annoying others, how would you like to be informed?
Also ask whether this is something they can actually change? Is this worth risking the relationship over? And are you prepared for the possibility that telling the truth might mean losing them?
If yes, then speak.
And if you’re the one receiving the message? Try to hear the love underneath the discomfort. It might be the bravest thing anyone’s done for you.
Once had to tell my mate his gf was a bike which went down like a fart in a church
Arrrrr! Too hard to say something. Often it’s best to say nothing at all