Are Bisexual Thoughts Normal or are you Gay?

Are bisexual Thoughts Normal? Or Are You Just Really Horny?

Let’s get one thing out of the way: if you’re here because you’ve had a confusing thought about that hot guy at the gym or that gorgeous woman at the dog park, congratulations. You’re not broken. You’re just human. Welcome to the eternally grey, gloriously messy world of sexuality. There’s no neat label waiting for you at the end of a rainbow. Just you, your feelings, and possibly a stranger’s thigh pressed against yours in a movie theatre.

So yes, bisexual thoughts are normal. And no, they don’t mean you’re suddenly gay. Or straight. Or a unicorn. They mean your wiring might be more flexible than society’s 1950s pamphlets led you to believe.

Meet Toby: Our Bisexual, Drug-Fuelled Emotional Wreck

In my upcoming book, Toby is a bisexual sex worker juggling a career, addiction, and two wildly different lovers: Ariana, a successful New Yorker with a nurturing energy and taste for sophistication, and Jakob, a sweet, honest Danish guy who just wants to love Toby (and maybe fix him, bless his heart).

Toby’s confused. Not because he’s bi, but because he’s human. And being human is like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without instructions or a hex key.

He’s attracted to both. Emotionally pulled in different directions. And while society is out here chanting, “Pick a lane!” Toby’s out here saying, “Bitch, I am the whole motorway.”

Fluidity Isn’t a Phase. It’s the Default.

If you’ve ever found yourself in that delightful little thought spiral, “Do I want to be him or do I want to ride him?” then join the club. We have jackets. They’re reversible.

The thing is, most people experience some level of sexual fluidity. Even your straight mate who insists he’s 100% hetero probably had a dream about his personal trainer once. It doesn’t mean anything definitive. It means our desires aren’t fixed.

Check out my other rant-slash-love-letter, From Glory Holes to Grey Zones: The Curious Case of Bromance and Sexuality, if you want to see how many straight men have no idea they’re toeing the line while deepthroating anonymity.

Bisexuality Isn’t Math

There’s no 50% gay + 50% straight = perfectly balanced bisexual. Some lean more one way, which can shift over time. Some change depending on whether the person makes them laugh, scream, or feel safe. The only numbers involved are probably in your phone under “+44 Who Even Is This.”

Labels help some people feel seen. They trap others. Do what works for you. If that label is bisexual, great, if it’s pansexual, fine. Or if it’s “just vibing,” that’s also valid. Sexuality is not a spreadsheet.

Can We Talk About Jon and Lisa?

In researching this, I spoke to real people with gloriously complicated love lives. Jon in London told me he and his girlfriend have a system: if he’s good, he gets a man as a reward. They’re both bi. They have threesomes. They’re honest. It works.

Lisa from Chicago, who may or may not have inspired Ariana, told me that she loves both men and women differently, and equally. One is carnal, the other is sensual. One is rough, the other is soft. And both make her feel alive. She doesn’t pick one. She doesn’t have to.

You don’t either.

So… Are Bisexual Thoughts Normal?

Yes. They’re as normal as coffee jitters and midnight regrets. The real question is, why are you trying to define what’s normal in the first place? Also, why is society so obsessed with defining your preferences?

Sexuality doesn’t owe anyone clarity. It just wants you to stop Googling it like it’s a rash and start accepting that maybe, just maybe, your brain and your body aren’t playing for a single team. They’re just here for the good match.

And in case you need one more reminder: Bromance Isn’t Just For Straight Men and Fluidity Sexuality: Stop Labeling Sh*t That Moves.

Now go have your identity crisis in peace, or in bed with whoever smells good today. No judgment.

Pre-order Toby now if you want to witness the emotional chaos of a man who’s just trying to find himself between orgasms, overdoses, and unexpected love. He’s a hot mess. You’ll love him.

Check out my newer Bromance category for more.