Amazon Thinks I’m an Idiot

Amazon Thinks I’m an Idiot

And After Reading This Post, I Don’t Blame Them

You know when you go to download a book on Kindle, all excited to dive into something new, and Amazon politely pops up with a smug little notification? “Oh hey, Fox, you’ve already downloaded that book.” And then the fog clears slightly and you remember, that’s right, I got that a year ago. Maybe two. Maybe last decade. Who knows. That’s why Amazon Thinks I’m an Idiot.

Sometimes it even takes rereading the first chapter before I realise I’ve absolutely devoured the whole thing before. A whole emotional arc, finished, processed, and deleted from memory like it never existed. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jeff Bezos personally rolled his eyes every time it happens.

That Familiar Kindle Smackdown

The worst part? It doesn’t just happen once. Literally days later, I’ll get excited by another book. This time, I’m sure I haven’t read it. I’m curled up with a glass of wine… let’s not pretend it’s coffee, hunting through Kindle for something that’ll ruin my sleep schedule in the best way. I find something incredible, click the magic ‘1-Click Buy’ button, and there it is again.

“Fox, you downloaded this waaaaay back in 2013.”

Great. Now I’ve got to scroll through a digital graveyard of forgotten reads to figure out where the hell it is. I’ve forgotten the name, the author, the cover, and, judging by how fresh it felt, apparently the entire plot. At this point, I’m thinking of rereading it anyway because hey, it’s all new to me.

Amazon’s Passive-Aggressive Memory Intervention

Then I make it worse. I go after a Matthew Reilly title. Because I’m convinced I haven’t read this one. Surely. I don’t remember car chases or explosions or… oh wait. Amazon steps in.

“Still having memory issues, Fox? You’ve read that too.”

Fuck it. By now I’m pissed. Not at myself, obviously not, but at Amazon’s tone. That condescending robotic reminder makes me feel like I should just turn off my Kindle and rethink my life.

So I try again. A Paulo Coelho novel. I figure, spiritual guidance might help this mess.

“Oh no, Fox. Reading isn’t your strong suit, is it?”

Ok, that’s not the actual message. But let’s not pretend that’s not what Amazon’s quietly thinking.

Goodreads to the Rescue (Kinda)

This happens a lot. And I want to apologise to every author whose work I forgot. It’s not you, it’s me. And by me, I mean my Goldfish-level memory, which apparently does a factory reset every night.

The other day, I found a referral for a 5-star book on Goodreads. My heart fluttered. I clicked. I downloaded.

“You already own this, Fox. Please stop. You’re embarrassing us both.”

That was the moment I knew it. Amazon thinks I’m an idiot.

But here’s the twist. I finally discovered Goodreads’ bookshelf labels: ‘Want to read’, ‘Currently reading’, and my personal favourite, ‘You’ve read this already you absolute lemon’. Now, before I click that 1-Click Button and make Kindle’s algorithm sigh deeply again, I double-check.

Do I still forget? Yes. Does Amazon still judge me? Probably. But at least now I have a fighting chance.

Maybe It’s Not Just Me?

Am I the only one who does this? Please tell me someone else gets book amnesia. Or is this the early signs of digital-age dementia? Because if I keep rereading the same 30 books and treating them like they’re brand new, I’m going to start hiding my own Easter eggs too.

Here’s a fun test: go into your Kindle library and look at the stuff you think you’ve never read. I bet half of it will give you déjà vu so hard it hurts. Plot twists will come at you like dreams you can’t quite place. Characters will feel familiar, and not just because they’re all slightly emotionally unavailable.

I think the real culprit here is the binge culture. We devour books so fast we don’t savour them anymore. It’s literary speed-dating. You remember a vibe, not a name. A plot twist, not the plot. So when that Amazon warning pops up, it’s basically the universe telling you to slow down, take notes, and maybe stop drinking wine before reading.

Final Thoughts from a Kindle Addict

So yes. Amazon thinks I’m an idiot. And honestly, they’re not wrong.

But you know what? I’d rather keep trying to read great books, even if it means reading the same ones again, than stop altogether. Because at least I’m not the person leaving a 1-star review because a book had “too many words.”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve just discovered a new thriller that sounds incredible. Let me hit that 1-Click Button and…

Ah. Right. Read it in 2017.

Fuck’s sake.

Want more Fox ramblings? Check out my chapter-by-chapter memoir titled, Good Luck Getting Rid of Me. Now there’s one you won’t forget in a hurry.