An Amazon Drone is Gonna Start Dropping From the Sky!
Editor’s Note, 2025:
This post was written back in 2016, when I apparently thought Amazon drones were going to rule the skies by 2018 and rednecks would be sniping them from their porches like digital skeet. While some of the tech predictions are still relevant, let’s just say hindsight is a sober bastard. I’m leaving this up for the historical LOLs… and because, weirdly, some of this might still happen.
When the Amazon Drone Comes Knocking (Literally)
If I told you an Amazon drone was about to deliver a packet of condoms and protein powder directly to your apartment window in London within the hour, you’d think I was having a stroke—or taking the piss. But no, this isn’t sci-fi. It’s barely even “next year.” It’s basically Tuesday.
Of course, before the skies are buzzing with delivery drones like a wasp orgy, a few things need ironing out. And no, the tech isn’t the issue. Humans are.
Here’s what your life might look like in the near future, if Jeff Bezos has his way:
You’ll need a special Amazon letterbox, installed somewhere with a clean line-of-sight so the drone can lock on like it’s playing laser tag.
That box will emit a homing beacon because apparently, we’re now living in a Marvel film.
The Amazon drone will pick up the signal, glide in, and perform an electronic handshake with your letterbox like it’s closing a shady crypto deal.
Your package gets dropped. No signature, no driver, no small talk about your dog.
You’ll be limited to items weighing less than a pair of shoes—so no kettlebells or garden gnomes just yet.
Expect teething issues. Some Karen will claim her dildo was swapped mid-flight. It’s inevitable.
Your letterbox could be bolted to a top-floor balcony or shoved beside your back window. Either way, it’s now part of Amazon’s air highway.
Breaking into an Amazon letterbox might carry harsher penalties than robbing a bank. Because priorities.
Setup might be free—if you sign your soul away in a 3-year Prime contract.
And naturally, drone law is going to become a thing. Picture this:
If some redneck shoots an Amazon drone out of the sky, the drone will have it all on camera. And no, that footage won’t be uploaded to TikTok—it’ll be used to prosecute your rifle-happy uncle.
The moment that little hovering bastard completes its handshake and drops the box, ownership of the product likely transfers. New legal grey zone unlocked.
Flying over private property? Get ready for laws that say it’s not trespassing any more than a delivery van using a public road. Adjust your tinfoil hats accordingly.
As for privacy—calm your tits. Amazon will say (loudly and legally) that the drone footage isn’t for sale, isn’t reviewed by humans, and definitely isn’t used to spy on your 2PM dog-shagging hobby while your wife’s at Pilates.
That video stream? It’s just for navigation. And to help Amazon sue the guy who tries to shoot it down with a potato gun. Win-win.
And yes, if you live somewhere that can’t accommodate a letterbox—say, a yurt or a hut in the Outback—Amazon will happily sell you a “landing pad.” Which, let’s be honest, is probably just a drone-sized doormat with Wi-Fi.
We’re reaching that technological level of advancement that will outdo itself every year and pretty soon, we’re going to be seeing humans flying around in these drones who have done a weekend course and ‘Drone Certification’. But for now, let’s embrace our civilization’s next steps or be prepared to bury your head in the sand and tune out. Just because you’re not comfortable with having drones flying above your head at all hours doesn’t mean it shouldn’t happen.
For an interesting perspective on civilizations around the Universe, take a look at Circle in the Sand, Out Now.